"I'm no longer, a slave to fear..."
I remember the motivation and energy that bolted through my body; leaving a worship experience with fire in my bones. Mind clear, spirit mood activated. I was free...
…Or so I thought.
It came crushing down too early! The antibodies of my spirit seemed to be outnumbered by the armies of my condemned desires. I thought I wasn't being held back again. But it seems that the chains hadn't fallen off; they just became long enough to give me room to walk.
But how?
Not again!
After feeling the joy of the Lord, I was back in the pit. I'm sure God felt so betrayed.
But how?
Then it became crystal clear
I was relying on the experience of one encounter, that I was now running on fumes. My spirit wasn't strong, it was just managing. I was deceived by a mindset that freedom was an instance or an event, when it was a journey. I denied the Holy Spirit my time, and my soul was losing the little life it had left.
The darkness became thicker in and around me. I felt safer to hide in the shadows so that my stains and weaknesses wouldn't be seen. I was tired of repeating my confessions over and over again, so I decided not to. I caught a glimpse of the bright clouds of my Father's seat one last time, before the fog of my guilt enveloped me.
It was just so painful; to recover and relapse so soon. As I sank deeper, regret flooded the walls of my heart even more. I tried, I really did, but getting up was a mirage. I decided that I'll just wait out the pain.
"Kwame!"
I looked up to see an arm tainted with crimson fluid. I roused up the last energy in me, propelled myself and grabbed it. I was out shorter than I expected, for I thought I had gone deeper than that. Before I could even take a glimpse of my surroundings, I felt my face dig into the person's robe. Such a nourishing warmth in the hug. A sweet fragrance.
After the arms around me eased, I took a look at my rescuer.
"I missed you", the familiar face said.
"I'm so sorry, Jesus. I really tried."
"I know you did, and don't stop! You can do this! Keep coming to me, so that I can help you fan the fire into a blaze, and keep it that way."
"Yes please. Thank you Lord."
"You're welcome my boy. Remember, what you feed, grows."
1 Peter 2:2
As newborn babes, desire the pure milk of the word, that you may grow thereby.
Joshua 1:8
This Book of the Law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate in it DAY and NIGHT, that you may observe to do according to all that is written in it. For then you will make your way prosperous, and then you will have good success.
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