"Don't forget to wash your dishes when you're done, Hannah," mum reminded. I looked down at my plate; a "scanty" dinner. It was obvious, this was going to be another night with a half-filled stomach and tears for dessert. I didn't know how long I could bear this. It was easy to say "Trust God", but it would feel better if I could at least see the prayer being delivered with two ticks. My mind wouldn't surrender to His Spirit because it had lost patience waiting for solution. It felt better to worry about the future, as if that would wash away the pain of the present.
This would have been the last thought of a 16 year old corpse, if not for the echoes from 87.3 FM's sermon. The preacher was highlighting the price God's only Son paid for us. It wasn't the first time I heard such a thing, but my mind wouldn't get off it. He put down His crown, became human, lived as a servant, and died as a criminal... for an impatient me. I could feel a sudden rush of guilt in my heart as I lay on my bed. My pillow was bathed with fluid from my eyes and nose. My spirit mouthed the words "sorry" through the sobs over and over. And then all of a sudden, I felt the warmth. It felt like He had wrapped me in His arms as if He was the one at fault. I was so surprised that He wasn't annoyed or He wasn't ashamed of me. I felt like He was staining His white dress with my filth; but He wouldn't let go. Realizing that I couldn't change His mind, I laughed, "Okay Jesus, I'm fine now."
The Bible on my termite-devoured table flipped open, by what seemed like the wind. "Such a dramatic God", I chuckled. My bookmark fell out. The writings, though familiar, were now sinking deep into my heart's soil...
Are not two sparrows sold for a copper coin? And not one of them falls to the ground apart from your Father’s will. But the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Do not fear therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows.
Matthew 10:29 - 31 NKJV
I smiled and mouthed, "Thank you." I imagined Him wink, and then I dived into my bed.